Coping with cancer: Children each have their own way
Children each have their own way
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| Erica Burrus photo/ Camden Wright, 7, of Webster Groves, a cancer patient at St. John's Mercy Medical Center, works with Nurse Jill Turec, a developmental specialist in the pediatric cancer and hematology center, to hook up an IV on the patient doll. |
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"Andrew said when his dad moved out that impacted him more than his actual death," said Andrew's mother, Linda Gurney.
Ed Gurney was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2004 when Andrew was 9. His father died in July 2006 when he was 11.Learning a loved one suffers from cancer can be devastating for children. It's a complex issue where emotions must be addressed while the medical situation is explained in understandable terms for children, said Rebecca Dougherty, a clinical oncology social worker at the Saint Louis University Cancer Center.
Each child copes in their own manner. There are tools to help children deal with their grief, emotions and concerns. Books can help children understand medical definitions, explain stages of treatment and learn what causes cancer. Other useful resources are drawing, writing or simply talking.
"Getting the children involved in the treatment process can be helpful," Dougherty said.
For Andrew and Ed Gurney that meant doing the normal activities they always did together - playing baseball, grocery shopping and visiting garage sales.
All of that stopped four months before Ed Gurney's death when he moved into the hospice.
Organizations that specialize in helping children cope with cancer aided Andrew Gurney. During the diagnosis and treatment phase and while his father was living with cancer, Andrew Gurney found comfort in Kids Konnected, a non-profit corporation that was developed on the premise that when a parent gets cancer the entire family is affected and the needs of the children must be addressed.
Kids Konnected is designed to help children and teenagers who have a parent with cancer or have lost a parent to cancer.
Each child registered at the site can interact with a youth leader through e-mail. Youth leaders can relate to what a child is experiencing because they had a parent that suffered from cancer or died as a result. Children can e-mail the youth leader questions, express their fears or share their thoughts, said Linda Gurney - something she found comforting for her son.
After Andrew's father died, he turned to Annie's Hope-The Bereavement Center for Kids, a non-profit organization that provides support services for children, teens and their families who are grieving the death of someone significant. He attended weekly support groups for a few months after his father died.
The past two summers he has spent time at bereavement camp. It helps him feel like a normal child who hasn't lost a parent.
"It's a good experience because it's fun," Andrew Gurney, 13, said. "I get to see old friends and make new ones."
Today, Andrew has good days with the occasional bad day. The bad days are usually triggered by father-son events, such as baseball games.
"You always have to think of the good things," he said.
One thing Andrew misses most is knowing his father will not see his accomplishments. This year he made the Webster Groves Elites, a select baseball team, something he knows would make his father proud.
Andrew has some advice for other children who are in his situation.
"Take advantage of the time you have," he said. "You don't know how long you'll have that person in your life."
According to the American Cancer Society Cancer there will be an estimated 29,390 new cancer cases and an estimated 12,630 cancer deaths in Missouri this year. An estimated 9,100 new child cancer cases are expected to occur this year nationwide along with 1,400 deaths.
Camden Wright, 7, of Webster Groves was diagnosed with a brain tumor at 18 months. His first round of chemotherapy didn't phase him because he was an infant. His second round is more memorable. He was in kindergarten and then entered first grade during the year- long treatment.
Geri Wright, Camden's mother, believes the medical situation has created frustration for her son. She gives credit to his pediatric oncology doctors and their staff at St. John's Mercy Medical Center for making the situation easier.
Jill Turec, developmental specialist in pediatric cancer and hematology, visits Camden to provide emotional support, conduct art therapy and monitor play with a medical doll.
"Children can communicate better through art and play than talking," Geri Wright said. "I think that has been really helpful. For him personally, I think it has been good for him on a frustration level."
Understanding cancer
Rebecca Dougherty, a clinical oncology social worker at the Saint Louis University Cancer Center, provides some tips for parents when dealing with cancer and helping children cope.
-- Tell children about the medical condition.
-- Meet with a professional who can prepare the best way to address children.
-- Parents should choose their words carefully so they don't scare children about visiting doctors and taking medicine.
-- Let children ask questions. Answer them honestly and choose the words carefully.
-- Keep children on a schedule to provide stability. This establishes some control in their life.
-- Parents should also be aware of changes in their children. Often a traumatic experience can make a child have physical or behavioral changes.
